Saturday Action Matinee

Flash Gordon (1936), Chapter 2: “The Tunnel of Terror”

Flash and Aura fall together down the trap door, which leads directly into a pit of carnivorous lizards. Fortunately, Ming calls out, “Quickly! The net!” and a safety net extends across the bottom of the drop, so that they don’t become lizard lunch. Ming then sends his troops out to take both Flash and Ming prisoner, but Princess Aura knows the palace and its secrets pretty well; she gets the two of them out via a secret door, and through the cavernous passages beneath the palace to evade the dispatched troops. That’s another project Ming could work on instead of dreaming of conquest: He could get around to those home improvements he’s always been putting off. Because, seriously, his basement looks like the caves in Bronson Canyon.

Flash is, of course, worried about his friends Dale and Zarkov, and especially about Dale because (a) she’s mightily useless on her own, and (b) Zarkov’s really not his type. For their own parts, the other two are repeating the same scene: Zarkov, in Ming’s science lab (filled with every prop involving neon, plasma, or static electricity that could be found in Universal’s storerooms), queries Ming about the whereabouts of Dale and Flash — he can be forgiven his naivete, as he was hustled off to the lab last episode before Ming decided to axe his competition and invite Dale to be his permanent moustache rider. And Dale, in her own quarters, shows a rare moment of backbone, refusing to dress in Ming’s requested clothes. ‘Course, she’s only defying the serving girls and the toothless old High Priest (Theodore Lorch).

Princess Aura secretes Flash outside the palace in a hidden Imperial rocketship, while she (supposedly) will go back to plead for Dale’s release. Flash takes a moment to find some new clothes in a locker onboard to replace his ripped outfit, which means he will now be dressed in the preferred style for the man of Mongo, i.e., short-shorts. Now, you hear a lot about how this was the most expensive chapter play ever made, with most estimates centering somewhere around $350,000, but there are always those little indications of cheapness, even with that pricetag. Take a look, for example, at the Imperial ship in which Flash hides:

And now, let’s take a look at the craft that Dr. Zarkov built from scratch, back in the first chapter:

The paltry attempts to redress the set are so minimal, they’re practically nonexistent.

It’s right about now that Ming’s palace is attacked by a third party, a fleet of gyro ships piloted by the Lion Men. No early warning system in evidence here, despite the constant chafing under Ming’s rule by the other intelligent species of Mongo; no, it’s, “Hey, lookit the spinny ships!” In fact, Flash proves to be a quick study and manages to get his ship into the air far in advance of the official Imperial fleet. The controls of the ship appear to have been designed by a brain-dead marsupial: The main controls are managed from the seated console, but the only view of oncoming traffic is via a single-eye telescope sight, mounted higher and to the right, at which one must stand and squint. Maybe union rules mandated that the ships require two-man crews as hiring security.

Flash manages to bring down two gyro ships (for reasons that aren’t immediately discernable), then crashes into a third; the two ships fall together to the ground, with an explosion that does neither occupant any injury, and they leap from their ships: Flash, and Thun (James Pierce), prince of the Lion Men. If the appearance of Thun (whose name sounds like the first syllable of “thunder”) is indicative of his entire people, then we have here discovered the first cult of Walt Whitman impersonators in the universe. Flash easily overpowers Thun, then explains that he fired on the gyro ships only because his friends are prisoners in Ming’s palace. Thun’s the forgiving sort — shucks, what are a couple of gyro ships and the pilots thereof? — and pledges to aid Flash by showing him a secret passage into the palace. What, does EVERYONE know all the “secret” passages?

In the meantime, Dale’s been on the receiving end (get used to it, girl) of some harsh treatment. Hearing of her recalcitrance, Ming immediately commands the High Priest to use the “dehumanizer” (a big neon coil) on her, to render in a complacent trance state that should last through the marriage ceremony. He makes the command in front of Zarkov, taking the latter’s cooperation perhaps more for granted than he should; Zarkov, however, looks a lot worse in short-shorts than Flash does, and is probably desperate to gain his freedom if only so he can procure some long pants. So when Flash and Thun overpower a guard and gain entry to the palace and the laboratory, Zarkov quickly fills them in on the fate worse than death awaiting Dale.

Along the way, Ming also instructs the High Priest to be sure that the great god Tao (pronounced “Tay-o”) is favorable to their marriage. I mention this only because such oracle occurs in the form of footage from an old silent movie, The Midnight Sun (1926), featuring dozens of dancing girls writhing in ecstasy before and on a huge mechanical idol. The producers of Flash Gordon adored this footage so much, the included it in the standard credits sequence before every chapter.

Flash and Thun get directions to the “secret” underground room where the marriage ceremony will take place, and use the unfinished tunnels again to gain access to the back passage. Dale, meanwhile, has been dressed in the bare-midriffed sling halter which will be a centerpiece of her wardrobe for the remaining chapters, and led to the chamber via the official route, where the High Priest presides over the ceremony in front of an Egyptian statue from The Mummy (1932). The ceremony is accompanied by thirteen spaced bangs on a gong, which gives Flash and Thun a good “ticking clock” to spur them through the tunnel. Thun hangs back to fight off some more guards, and Flash goes ahead, only to find his way stopped by a huge dragon with crab claws! (The illusion of size is accomplished by having a child in a version of Flash’s costume stand in in a few shots with the monster.)

Curses! Will Flash be halted so close to his goal? Will Ming have a chance to “make it legal” with Dale? Will Dr. Zarkov ever find himself some respectable trousers?

Next Week: “Captured by the Shark Men”